I never signed

I Never Signed by Laura McHale Holland

Here’s a new story that is not part of the connected flash fiction experiment. It’s just one of those ideas I had to pursue. I’m posting this from my iPad, so the formatting might be a little odd.

It’s them. Poking. Sneering. Surrounding me. Telling me to get to work. There’s a ream of flyers to fold, for starters.

I always imagined when I went toward the white light that Mom, Uncle Earl and Little Bandy, Grandpapa and Scoot –and my friends from later years, like Billy and Mae, who died way too young — all of them, I thought, would be waiting. I was going to see each one emerge from a white mist of sweetness and impart wisdom to me as I wended into whatever this place beyond life is. But my loved ones are not here. I’m at the end of the brilliant white tunnel, but the ones here greeting me are dregs I’d pushed way out of my mind.

I snuck away from them just before dawn more than forty years ago. One paper Safeway bag of belongings. That’s all I carried, heading anywhere but where I was. I thought I’d found the answer. Human happiness. Love empowering. I shriveled instead under the weight of menial tasks. Long days, long nights. Repetition. Repetition. Defection, forbidden. If they caught you leaving, they locked you in the boiler room.

Some creep grabs my arm. I think his name is Gus, but after all these years, I can’t be sure. “You signed a contract,” he says. “You’re ours for eternity.” I know that isn’t true. I never signed a contract. They started that signing folderol just before I split. They hadn’t worked their way down to me yet.

Gus yanks me  toward a door. Opens it. Ah, the boiler room. Hot. He tries to push me in. I kick. Kick him in the groin. Push him in. “You won’t get me,” I declare. And spin away. Far away. Away.

Behind, gnashing teeth. Ahead, Mom’s hand.

 

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Right through the heart

Right Through the Heart
By Laura McHale Holland

He had nothing against the man and woman rushing to the Mercedes, nor the paparazzi in pursuit, nor the throng of people flanking the spectacle at 3 p.m.—except that they were all in his way. He was angry, sure. Why should he have to pay hundreds of dollars to get his F-150 out of impound? There was no place to park except the white zone. What was he supposed to do? Skip the custody hearing so he couldn’t see his son anymore? No way. So he was gone at most half an hour. And the truck got towed. That frosted him, sure.

But he didn’t plan to use the assault rifle. It just felt good tucked inside his coat. Then one of those TV reporters knocked into him, pushed him aside and said, “Get out of the way, man!” So he pulled out the rifle, shot that reporter right in the head. People started screaming and he kept shooting and shooting, watching the blood spurt, the bodies fall. He got that man and woman, too, the ones rushing to that fancy car. Then he saw the girl in the back seat watching them fall. She had big brown eyes just like his son. He aimed the rifle at the police cars coverged on the scene, but he didn’t shoot. He let the officers  shoot him right through the heart.

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All of the episodes in this series in the order in which they were posted follow:

Back pocket wishes

Cascading to the sea

Right through the heart

Away today?

A dime a dozen

She doesn’t know them

On the seat

A pillar of the community

He needs a friend

Double rainbow

The one he always wants to hear

Give it some time

It gives my life meaning

Smiles

Extenuating circumstances

 The four of us

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Thanks, I guess

Thanks, I Guess
By Laura McHale Holland

I want to throw one of those huge Oxford-type dictionaries at him, iron his ears flat to his skull, shrink him to toy poodle size and throw him so hard against the patio door that the glass breaks and he tumbles bloody and broken to the slab outside.

Jeez! Did I really just say that? Man, I’m messed up.

The doorbell is ringing; I’m sure it’s for him. His half-eaten pizza has grown hard and cold on a TV tray, as usual. His papers are strewn all over his bedroom floor. His dirty underwear is balled up by the toilet. I could go on and on. Living with a 13-year-old boy sure isn’t easy.

I can’t believe he’s not even getting up to answer the door. Okay, okay, so it’s up to me to get the door just like it’s up to me to do everything else around here. That’s what a mom does, after all.

Damn, hold your horses. I’m coming already. People don’t have an ounce of patience anymore.

What? You’re here to deliver a package? Well, gosh thanks, I guess. So what are you standing … Oh, You want a tip? Sure, yeah, everybody wants something these days. Hold on a sec. I’ve got a couple dollars in my purse right here. … There you go.

Well, let’s see here. Man, this lid is tough, but I think I can pry it off. There now. What is that? A head? Somebody’s head? Oh, no, no, no. This isn’t happening. No, no, no, no. This looks like … What the?

Get in here right this minute, Sonny. Right now or I’m going to slap you to kingdom come. Right now, you mental case. Right this minute.

So, is this what I think it is? … But why did you kill him and why the fuck did you send me his head?  … Oh, for Christ’s sake. I never meant all that shit I said about him. He was your father. Your father! I can’t believe it. You thought it would make me happy? Oh, you’re sorry, are you? Get out of my sight, you moron. Go to your room. Go, go, go. I need some time to think.

This is bad, really bad. The head I can just dump in the river, or something. But who’s going to take him off my hands on Wednesday nights and every other weekend now? Jeez. I’ll probably have to pay somebody to keep any eye on him, the little fucker.

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Tears will slow

Tears Will Slow
By Laura McHale Holland

I knew right away she was the one. I should have expected she’d fight me like a badger. She held her boy’s head above waves tearing at her flesh. She held on longer than I ever thought possible, pulling strength from something beyond my depths.

At last, a surfer’s hands grabbed the boy, steadied him on a board. But when the hands reached for her, I, Poseidon, snatched her and pulled her home to me.

She, like her family above, is despairing now. But their tears will slow eventually. Her husband will remarry; her son will grow up; her friends will stop talking about her. And then, she will turn her fierce blue eyes toward me and ask how she can help save the sea. That’s why I took her. She is the one who will mend the damage done by her kin.

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Still there

This story won first place in the Redwood Writers recent flash fiction contest:

Still There
By Laura McHale Holland

He told her he was done. No more. The shrill voice, the cantaloupes rotting on the counter, rows of yellowed newspapers stacked to the ceiling, the ivy encroaching, blocking out the sun. The years filled with promises broken. He’d had enough.

She sat in her recliner as usual. The TV blared another episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Southern Comfort bottles rattled on the floor as trucks zoomed along the nearby freeway.

“I’m not coming back, Mom,” he said. “Not until you do something for yourself, make some kind of effort.”

Her skeletal tabby meowed and rubbed against his legs. “I’m taking Daisy with me,” he said. “You don’t even care about her anymore.” He lifted the cat in his arms and stomped out the door, slamming it closed with his foot. The home creaked. A condolence card fell from the mantle and landed in her lap.

The card was still there two weeks later when her landlord stopped in. Newspapers had piled up on her front porch, and she wasn’t answering the phone.

The coroner estimated she’d been dead at least a month.

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My first and only

My First and Only
By Laura McHale Holland

He was the first, my first love. So how could I not hug him, feed him, brush the lint off his jacket? How could I turn him away?

I know what he did. I live in a forest, not a cave. It’s just that when he came to my door, fear dripping off him like sweat, eyes jumpin’ hot like oil, I saw only the boy he used to be, the one who gave me my first corsage, the one who took me over the moon and back.

A SWAT team has the woods surrounded. They’re looking for a cold-blooded killer, and they’ve knocked at my door. But I stood on the deck, shrugged and said I haven’t seen him in ages.

Bullets ricochet in the canyon below my cabin. I don’t know what those men are shooting at, because their target is crouched in my pump house, waiting for nightfall so he can slip away. Does this make me a bad person? I guess so. But he was my first, my first and only real love.

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Pretty soon I’ll have to tell him

Our maple tree came to rest on our roof a few days ago, and I still wrote a story this week. Here it is:

Pretty Soon I’ll Have to Tell Him
By Laura McHale Holland

My Bernie, he’s a real good man, you know, except sometimes he gets these harebrained ideas, and I try my darnedest to put the kibosh on them—ideas like befriending Jake the Wolf-man. We always called him that around town ‘cause he kept wolves, well, not really wolves, but wolf dogs, you know, half wolf, half dog, which some folks say are worse even than keeping real bona fide wolves because these here wolf dogs have instincts pointing them every which way, so they’re real unstable.

So I didn’t think too much of Jake the Wolf-man and I didn’t take to the idea of Bernie and him bein’ friends, but Bernie, being Bernie, the most curious guy in all of North Bend, and the friendliest, too—just about anybody would tell you what a standup guy my Bernie is—so Bernie, he’s a mail carrier and he got this route a few years ago that included Jake the Wolf-man’s spread, and he started by sayin’ hi, and then it was a few friendly remarks, you know, how’s the wife doin’ or those sure are pretty critters you have there, and one thing led to another and pretty soon Bernie was saving Jake the Wolf-man’s mail ‘til last stop and then sittin’ on his front porch to shoot the breeze for an hour or so before comin’ home on many an afternoon, which I didn’t appreciate, and I told Bernie so.

But, you know,  I couldn’t stick to being mad about it or anything else when it comes to my Bernie because he has this sheepish sort of grin that gets to me, so he can get away with anything—but don’t you ever go tell him that or nothin’ otherwise my goose is gonna be cooked—so, see, I guess I started to look forward to his little stories about what’s new with Jake the Wolf-man and all because, let’s face it, things are pretty boring here in North Bend, lots of us sittin’ around with nothin’ to do and nothin’ but dreams left of jobs that went south of the border or to Asia or wherever.

So I started lookin’ forward to hearing about Jake the Wolf-man and that pack of his. He had about a dozen of ‘em in a big enclosure, must have been about four acres. And he went in there and ran around with them and stuff, said the wolf dogs were his brothers. He tried to get Bernie to go in with him, and Bernie swears he never did because he thought a dozen of them crazy wolf dogs was just too much for him. But my Bernie, he said, one-on-one them wolf dogs were as sweet as can be and a little mysterious, too, like something out of a myth. That’s just what he said, a myth. And I told him right then and there that was a big bunch of hooey. Oh, but Bernie, he looked so stricken by my words. I wished I could take ‘em back. It broke my heart seeing how I’d hurt him. I felt bad about that for days.

Then Bernie came home early one day real down in the dumps, you know, long faced and just draggin’ himself in. He flopped on his recliner and sat starin’ at the TV, which wasn’t even on, mind you. And I said Bernie, what in the dickens has gotten into you and he grunted a little but couldn’t get a word out for a long time, but I kept askin’ and finally pulled it out of him that those wolf dogs up and killed Jake the Wolf-man.

Bernie had a vet bill and a Rolling Stone magazine to deliver to his buddy that day. But when he pulled up in the mail van, an ambulance was driving away, and police and animal control officers and even North Bend’s fire captain Big Bill were swarming around the property. Dead wolf dogs were stacked in a pile just inside the enclosure, and Bernie saw what he thought was a pool of blood right near the gate. There were a lot of tears that night, I’ll tell you, between the two of us. Bernie was sobbing, and I was cryin’ for Bernie losin’ a friend like that, and then I was cryin’ for Jake the Wolf-man, too, even though I didn’t even know him. And I was cryin’ about maybe having to let go of a fantasy Bernie had, and I was starting to have, too, about things being different than they really are between people and wild animals.

We were still down in the dumps the next morning when Bernie went off to work, and I expected we’d be pretty glum at the end of the day, too. But when he came home, he walked in with that sheepish grin of his and a big bulge in his jacket. I asked, Bernie, what’s in there, but he kept mum. He sat in his chair, unzipped the jacket, and there were two little pups, couldn’t have been more than eight weeks old. He’d gone to Jake the Wolf-man’s house, sat on the front porch to just think about his pal, and he heard squealing coming from the direction of the enclosure. He went inside and found the pups huddled way back in a corner behind a pile of bricks.

Bernie asked me if he could keep them, and he looked so hopeful, and the pups looked so cute just snuggled there in the chair, I melted and said okay. I said it real cool like so as not to let on how adorable I though the little critters were. And I said they have to live out back in the yard; there’s no way they’re gonna set foot in the house. And, Bernie, being Bernie, said he was okay with that.

When we built the dog house for them out back we told the neighbors they’re some kind of sled-dog mutts, so everything is cool with them. And each day Bernie feeds the pups their breakfast kibble before he goes off to work, and I wave goodbye from the front door. Then I bring the babies inside. I can’t explain it. I never expected to turn into a wolf-person. No way. But when I look into their blue eyes, I feel like they understand me in ways not even Bernie does. My Bernie. Pretty soon I’ll have to tell him about the pups and me; they’re growing bigger by the minute.

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A dove coos

A Dove Coos
By Laura McHale Holland

With the shadows of maple leaves dancing across her face, she rests in a hammock that has seen better days. He pours lemonade and offers it to her, ice clinking against glass. She lifts her hand up but snaps it under the comforter when she sees her mottled, trembling fingers. He puts the glass on the wrought iron table by her side. A dove coos nearby. He bends down, tucks a stray strand of white hair behind her ear and wraps the comforter tighter around her slender frame. She closes her eyes. He stifles a sob, unable to envision a world that lacks her head on the pillow next to his, her dark blue eyes a lighthouse guiding his way.

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Waiting

Here’s the next story, based loosely on some news I heard on the radio last week.

Waiting
By Laura McHale Holland

Myrna sits on the steps of an abandoned library building across from the police station. Crime fighters amble in and out, their badges, guns and clubs properly affixed. They laugh, slap each other on the back, sip coffee. Myrna stares. They do not look her way.

If she weren’t a mother, she’d go on a hunger strike, but she can’t put her children at risk; she’s the only parent they have now. So she sits on the cracked stairs and waits while her twins tumble and climb the morning away in preschool.

It’s been six weeks since her husband, Edward Sanchez, was killed at home, right at their front door. She and the twins were at the park just minutes away when it happened. She remembers the glow of the sun on her children’s skin as she pushed them in the swings, the perfection of their little feet pattering through the sand after they jumped out and wiggled to the wading pool. Then later, all the blood just inside their front door and Edward in an ambulance unconscious, and the muscled arms that held her back, the voices that said she could not ride with him. And her babies crying.

This time last year Edward was in Iraq. Only two months ago he’d passed the exam to become a fire fighter, passed with flying colors, a battalion chief who lived nearby had told him.

The officers who shot him swear Edward brandished a gun when he opened the door. They say he cocked it and refused to put it down. Myrna knows he had no gun. Edward was through with war, through with violence of any kind.

Meanwhile, another Edward Sanchez counts his money in a different part of town. He runs a gang with crews selling drugs in all the nearby communities. A lawyer who might take up Myrna’s cause says the officers paid a visit on the wrong Edward Sanchez. The police aren’t talking. They haven’t even released Edward’s body.

So Myrna waits on the steps, because right now, that’s all she can do.

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The Raising by Laura Kasischke

The Raising is the first Laura Kasischke book I’ve read, and I’m giving it four stars because, while I was disappointed with the way the plot resolved (or rather didn’t resolve), I think she is a writer of great talent. She can expertly set a scene, grab a reader’s attention, evoke strong emotions, in essence, use language in a compellingly beautiful way to build a story.

I usually have no taste for books that alternate two or more characters’ points of view, chapter by chapter. This book does that. And I think it speaks to Kasischke’s skill that her use of this technique didn’t annoy me. The novel also moves back and forth in time, and that worked fine for me, too.

I love the Midwestern college campus world Kasischke created in this book. I was completely drawn into it and wanted to find out what really happened to Nicole, a freshman who may or may not have been pure and virginal and who may or may not have died in an auto accident. I love that the main characters were a mix of generations, some students, some professors. I liked getting a look into all of their lives and motivations and was horrified at what happened to most of them.

In the end, though, perhaps because I came to care so much for the main characters—Craig, Nicole’s boyfriend; Perry, her childhood friend who was also Craig’s roommate; Mira, a professor who studied diverse cultures’ beliefs and rituals involving death; and Shelly, and academic who had enjoyed a career running the chamber music society on campus—I was very disappointed with the way all of the various elements resolved.

I think Kasischke is a writer to watch. I haven’t read her first novel, In a Perfect World, but I intend to, along with anything else she’s written and will write. I think there is greatness in her.
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The endless night

Here’s this week’s flash fiction. It’s on the dark side, probably influenced by the devastation in Japan right now.

The Endless Night
By Laura McHale Holland

Out of the toxic sludge, the swirl of limp parrots and cut glass, ripped maps and broken bricks, oil spurting and trees uprooted and car parts spinning, out of this, rose a man in silver: cap, trench coat, gloves, pants and boots dripping dead fish and turpentine. He came up from the muck one sodden step at a time, his serpentine tongue darting at flames flickering on boats upended as he chewed Mentos with his pointed teeth.

A blue-skinned family eyed him as they huddled against the only wall remaining on what was once a quaint seashore lane. A father, daughter and son in shredded clothes that hung in strips from their gaunt frames sat on wet concrete slabs and held their hands over a hissing fire. The mother rocked on a milk cart nearby and cooed to a dead baby wrapped in a blood-stained chunk of berber carpet. She did not look up as the man approached.

The man stopped at the fire, clasped his hands and stretched them out to crack his knuckles, but each crack was a lion’s roar, deafening the family. They covered their ears, except for the mother. She started singing “All Through the Night.” From beneath the concrete, a harpsichord accompanied her.

“It’s time,” the silver man said. “No!” the father cried. He stood up, raised his arms, lunged forward. The man pulled a pistol from his pocket and fired. From the barrel blasted thousands of radioactive gnats that swarmed the father, enveloping him in a writhing fog so thick he could not breathe. He fell, coughing, to the concrete. The silver man put the pistol back in his pocket and motioned, palms up, fingers curled, for the children to come to him. They obeyed. When they reached him, he turned and put one arm around each child. Together, the three walked into the sludge and slowly sank into the muck. The harpsichord stopped, but the mother kept singing all through the endless night.

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