Gouda was great, a mostly true story

Posted on November 7, 2012 by admin

Gouda Was Great
By Laura McHale Holland

I’d had it before, probably at some buffet along the way, but I didn’t come to know gouda until I was part of a ragtag group heading south toward the Mediterranean in a VW van.

A guy from Canada had a whole wheel of gouda he’d carried in his pack all the way from Amsterdam. And it was gouda that bonded us, him slicing pieces with a Swiss army knife and passing them around as we bumped along.

We ate gouda on a hillside by the road, around campfire flames and, on the ferry to Morocco, where everything smouldered at the edges. Yet the days wore on and the waves rolled in and the drums droned at sunset, and we brushed our teeth in the saltwater waves, and the gouda was great, feeding us again and again until the guy from Canada caught a ride to Tangiers with a girl on a motorcycle. He took his gouda with him, leaving not even his name behind.

Photo by tuppus.

In the pink

Posted on October 6, 2012 by admin

This is two versions of a reworked scene from a sequel to Reversible Skirt I was working on back in 2009. That draft was in second person and wasn’t good enough.

I rewrote the scene in first person, eliminated most of the back story, and dispensed with some details that I liked but weren’t really essential. It’s about 1/3 the size of the previous draft. The voice of the new first-person draft is, however, more of a narrator’s voice. It approximates neither my voice as a teen nor my current adult voice. So I returned to second person to rework the scene again. I’m providing both drafts below—first person, followed by second person.

The scene is intense. It takes place my freshman year in high school.What was your life like when you were that age? Was anything going on in your home that you’d never tell anyone at school?

In the Pink
By Laura McHale Holland

She calls out. I run over. She is up against the pink sink, robe open, bare breasts hanging. I’ve never seen her nipples before, but it’s her radioactive brown eyes that really jolt me. I edge toward the dining room table where my schoolbooks wait—a tower of formulas, timelines, verb conjugations and love notes undelivered. Growls from the basement heater rumble up the stairs.

“Don’t back away from me,” she snaps. She juts out her chin and raises her eyes. I’m taller than her 4’11″ by a good four inches, and growing—a reminder that I am not her flesh and blood, that I am one of three girls who came with the widower she married: my father, now dead.

I step forward and see the toothpaste splattered on the mirror, the pink rose wallpaper, the pink and beige tiles, her pink-painted toenails, chipping at the edges. “Do you want me to help you with something before I go?” I ask.

She pulls down her underpants and rips off a thick gauze bandage to expose a wound so raw it appears to have a pulse all its own. I focus on the wrinkles between her eyebrows. “Take a look. Take a good look, Missy,” she spews. “This is pain. This is real pain, and you don’t know what that is. But mark my words, oh, mark my words. You don’t know what pain is, but your time is coming. Just you wait. Your time is coming. You’ll see.”

She reminds me of a jack-in-the box sprung loose, but I can’t stuff her back inside, snap the cover closed tight and go back to fastening the stupid clear plastic boots I had just slipped over my too-tight loafers before she called me to her powder room lair.

“Look!” she commands. She points to the incision, belly button to pubic hair, thick and oozing and pink and punctuated with black stitches top to bottom. It’s a railroad track, a railroad track leading somewhere I never want to go. Female troubles. Hysterectomy. Screaming now, she raises her raw-knuckled fist and shakes her arm, a metronome set faster than I could ever play.

“Look! Look, you ingrate! You dummy! Look!” A bitter truth sinks into my bones: she despises me; I will not come next time she calls. Still erupting, she looks like she’s about to pop straight into the air; I want to see her head crack against the ceiling.

I spin around, grab my books and rush outside. Coat unbuttoned, I barely notice the bracing cold. I kick off my five-and-dime substitutes for winter boots and stuff them in my coat pockets, one bulging on each side. I suck in the biting air, roll up the waistband of my two-sizes-too-big skirt and trudge forward, bent on getting a smile on my face before my first-period class.

The shortened scene in second person:

She calls out; you run over. She is up against the pink sink, robe open, bare breasts hanging. You’ve never seen her nipples before, but it’s her radioactive brown eyes that really give a jolt. You edge toward the dining room table where your schoolbooks wait—a tower of formulas, timelines, verb conjugations and love notes undelivered. Growls from the basement heater rumble up the stairs.

“Don’t back away from me,” she snaps. She juts out her chin and raises her eyes. You’re taller than her 4’11″ by a good four inches, and growing—a reminder that you are not her flesh and blood, that you are one of three girls who came with the widower she married: your father, now dead.

You step forward and see the toothpaste splattered on the mirror, the pink rose wallpaper, the pink and beige tiles, her pink-painted toenails, chipping at the edges. “Do you want me to help you with something before I go?” you ask.

She pulls down her underpants and rips off a thick gauze bandage to expose a wound so raw it appears to have a pulse all its own. You focus on the wrinkles between her eyebrows. “Take a look. Take a good look, Missy,” she spews. “This is pain. This is real pain, and you don’t know what that is. But mark my words, oh, mark my words. You don’t know what pain is, but your time is coming. Just you wait. Your time is coming. You’ll see.”

She reminds you of a jack-in-the box sprung loose, but you can’t stuff her back inside, snap the cover closed tight and go back to fastening the stupid clear plastic boots you had just slipped over your too-tight loafers before she called you to her powder room lair.

“Look!” she commands. She points to the incision, belly button to pubic hair, thick and oozing and pink and punctuated with black stitches top to bottom. It’s a railroad track, a railroad track leading somewhere you never want to go. Female troubles. Hysterectomy. Screaming now, she raises her raw-knuckled fist and shakes her arm, a metronome set faster than you could ever play.

“Look! Look, you ingrate! You dummy! Look!” A bitter truth sinks into your bones: she despises you, and you will not come next time she calls. Still erupting, she looks like she’s about to pop straight into the air; you want to see her head crack against the ceiling.

You spin around, grab your books and rush outside. Coat unbuttoned, you barely notice the bracing cold. You kick off your five-and-dime substitutes for winter boots and stuff them in your coat pockets, one bulging on each side. You suck in the biting air, roll up the waistband of your two-sizes-too-big skirt and trudge forward, bent on getting a smile on your face before your first-period class.

A glowing review

Posted on July 2, 2012 by admin

I wrote a review yesterday of Rasana Atreya’s novel, and now here’s a review I just received from Michelle and Denise, who run the Families of the Mentally Ill blog. They posted it on their website (http://familiesofthementallyill.com/2012/07/03/book-review-reversible-skirt/), on Amazon and on Smashwords:

Reversible Skirt, by Laura McHale Holland, is a heart-breaking memoir about one young mother’s suicide as seen through the eyes of her youngest child, Laura. A toddler at the time of the tragedy, Laura is initially bewildered by the changes swirling around her family, including the appearance of a new stepmother, who is simply passed off as the same person to the children.

The author has done a masterful job of capturing the thought process of a young child as she struggles to make sense of the changes in her world. The tragic events of the girls’ lives aren’t over, unfortunately. The abuse they experience as they grow and confront of the truth of their mother’s death and their father’s choices can be painful to read. Yet it’s worth persevering, because the book ends with Laura and her sisters finding strength and peace in adulthood.

Reversible Skirt describes a time in our not-too-distant past where mental illness and suicide were swept under the rug. While we have made some gains as a society, the situation will feel familiar to those of us who have lived through mental illness in our own families. What was most intriguing about the book was how the author and her sisters forgave their abusive stepmother after everything she did to them as children. Their ability to survive and recover from their challenging childhoods is uplifting. The capacity they show for forgiveness is truly inspiration.

A stunning review of Reversible Skirt

Posted on May 30, 2012 by admin

I stumbled upon this review of my memoir, Reversible Skirt, on Goodreads. It’s by a member named Ana:

“Reversible Skirt is probably the most honest and gripping memoir I’ve read. McHale Holland is on my top 10 of writers writing today. She’s managed to tell a tragic story fraught with emotion without the poor poor pitiful me some writers might have fallen prey to.”

Bliss.

Some thoughts on sisterhood

Posted on March 21, 2012 by admin

I’m going to be on a panel at the Women’s PowerStrategy Conference Saturday and even though the panel topic is “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother” (on which I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say, no doubt), I’m preparing a one-page handout about sisterhood (on which I have even more to say). I’m pasting my draft in here and would very much apreciate your feedback.

Some Thoughts on Sisterhood
By Laura McHale Holland
Author of Reversible Skirt, a Memoir

My two sisters are my dearest friends. Over the years, they have cheered me and comforted me through all my triumphs and sorrows. And vice versa. But we weren’t always buddies. Our early years brought us significant heartbreak and abuse that, rather than pull us together, drove us apart. For many long days, nights and years, an ugly current of bitterness ran through our relationships; fights, ridicule and jealousy ruled our world.

Then things changed. Gradually at first, and then more rapidly, we transformed from sniping detractors into enthusiastic fans. And we have been close for so long now, the times of strife among us truly are distant memories. However, countless times people have come up to me, remarked upon the bond my sisters and I share and then looked wistfully as they’ve said something like, “I haven’t spoken to my sister in years. What’s your secret?”

So I’m going to write down ten things my sisters and I, through trial and error, have learned about how to care for each other. I hope these thoughts on sisterhood help others seeking to form a closer bond with their beloved sisters—by blood or otherwise.

Together you and your sisters must:

1. Decide you want to have loving, supportive relationships with each other and commit to taking action to make that happen. It is best for all parties involved to make this decision and commitment. Meaningful progress will be much slower otherwise.

2. Remember that the past is over; there is nothing you can do to change it. So forgive yourself for any harm you may have caused your sisters and forgive your sisters for any harm they may have caused you.

3. Realize that you and your sisters will inadvertently hurt each other’s feelings after you’ve made a commitment to do the opposite. Forgive yourself and your sisters for these blunders as they occur and move on.

4. Focus more on listening than on being heard, and learn to see things from your sisters’ points of view.

5. Do things together that you all enjoy, things that make you all laugh, things that will bring smiles to your faces long afterward.

6. Tell your sisters often how much you love them. Always put your loving connection with one another above all else in the relationships.

7. Notice your sisters’ good qualities and the admirable things they’ve done. Tell them about these things repeatedly—and celebrate them.

8. If you need to complain about one of your sisters, do it with someone outside of the situation. Look for a sympathetic ear, but don’t try to convince the person you are good and your sister is bad.

9. Think about where your sisters need a hand and provide wholehearted, passionate assistance.

10. Be patient. Some struggles we face are life-long. Have high expectations, but don’t give up if your sister falls short. Hold out an encouraging hand.

This is my first stab at sharing this, so I’m bound to have left some things out. I may elaborate on these and provide examples in the future. I will welcome your comments.

Guest post at TellTale Souls

Posted on January 5, 2012 by admin

I don’t have a story ready this week yet (I’m still thinking over what direction I want to go in this year), but I do have a guest post up at Lynn Henriksen’s TellTale Souls blog. It has to do with mothers, and, well, mothers are what brought us all into this world, and some of us are mothers ourselves, so it’s hard to be neutral on the topic, isn’t it?

I hope my thoughts on my mother and stepmother stimulate you to share your own perspectives.

Here’s the link:

http://telltalesouls.com/blog/extolling-the-virtures-of-mom-in-memoir-not-for-everyone/

I’m on a blog tour

Posted on December 7, 2011 by admin

I’m not ready to post this week’s story yet, but in the meantime, I thought I’d post the links to the blog tour I’m doing right now. It began Mon., Dec. 5 and will end Fri. Dec. 16.

Here’s where I’ve been so far:

As The Pages Turn: http://asthepagesturn.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/spotlight-on-reversible-skirt-by-laura-mchale-holland/

Divine Caroline: http://www.divinecaroline.com/49804/120622-interview-author-laura-mchale-holland

Inky Blots: http://www.inkyblots.com/pick-up-your-pen-by-guest-author-laura-mchale-holland/

Live to Read: http://livetoread-krystal.blogspot.com/

Here’s where I expect to be the rest of this week and next week:

Thursday, December 8th
Guest Post at Book Spark: http://www.book-spark.blogspot.com/

Friday, December 9th
Book Trailer at If Books Could Talk: http://bookvideos.wordpress.com/

Monday, December 12th
Interview at The Examiner: http://www.examiner.com/publishing-in-virginia-beach/interview-with-laura-mchale-holland-author-of-reversible-skirt

Tuesday, December 13th
Interview at Literarily Speaking http://literarilyspeaking.net/

Wednesday, December 14th
Radio Interview at Pump Up Your Book http://www.pumpupyourbook.com/

Thursday, December 15th
Review and Giveaway at Radiant Light http://www.frommipov.blogspot.com/

Friday, December 16th
Interview at Paperback Writer http://rebecca2007.wordpress.com/

There’s going to be some kind of interaction at the Pump Up Your Book Facebook page for all the authors who decided to do this holiday season tour special on the 16th. I’ll provide more details on that next week.

My first guest blog

Posted on September 22, 2011 by admin

I did a guest blog about self publishing for Roses & Thorns, and it just went live. http://blog.roseandthornjournal.com/2011/09/21/along-the-self-publishing-path-by-laura-mchale-holland.aspx

Review of Eva Kende’s ‘Snapshots’

Posted on September 5, 2011 by admin

I connected with Eva Kende, author of “Snapshots…Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain,” on Facebook and was intrigued enough by what she had to say about her life and work to buy her ebook. I was a bit apprehensive because I’ve bought books by a few other authors I’ve met online and have been disappointed to the point where I couldn’t even finish the books, let alone review them. Luckily, this is not the case with Eva’s eye-opener of a book.

The author’s conversational style, eye for detail and ability to capture the unique quirks, good and bad, of the folks who mattered most to her during her tumultuous childhood drew me right into her story. She was born in Budapest, Hungary, in the midst of World War II and lived there until the Hungarian Revolution in 1956, at which time she and her mother escaped and ultimately settled in Canada.

This is not a literary memoir or a traditional autobiography. It is a series of recollections honestly recounted. The book begins with Eva’s memories of her grandmother, an eccentric and highly successful necktie-maker and shopkeeper, and continues through the many adjustments required of Eva and her extended family as they lived amid the city’s ruins and survived the upheavals brought by foreign occupation and communist rule, including losing their livelihoods, their homes and many people they loved.

When I’ve thought of what life must have been like for people behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War, I’ve tended to picture bleak scenes in black and white, glum people suffering in the cold, hungry people in bread lines. This book brings home how incomplete that picture is. Eva’s narrative shows how ordinary people adapted with ingenuity and pluck, and lived with dignity and hope. Dealing with so much loss, people still loved, laughed, worked, played—and there was much for a spirited child like Eva to learn among friends of all ages she made during her adventures in and around Budapest.

There was great hardship, certainly, but the human spirit soars in Eva’s book. I think it’s worth every penny of the pittance it costs to download. I imagine people who read this book will not only gain a new perspective on life in Eastern Europe after World War II, but they will also feel a good deal of admiration for the author when they turn the last page.

Reversible Skirt won a silver medal

Posted on September 1, 2011 by admin

Good news!

My memoir, Reversible Skirt, won a silver medal in the 2011 Readers Choice Book Awards in the nonfiction-autobiography category (It was named a finalist in July and final judging was just completed.)

Reversible Skirt is now available as an ebook

Posted on July 5, 2011 by admin

Just a quick note tonight to let you know my memoir, Reversible Skirt, is now available in ebook on Amazon and Smashwords. It’s half off ($2.50) on Smashwords for the month of July, too. My toolbar isn’t displaying the linking tool, so I’ll just paste the link to Smashwords in here. Maybe it’ll go live automatically (optimism at work here). If not, I hope you don’t mind just pasting it into your browser’s address bar: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/71015

An excellent review

Posted on April 11, 2011 by admin

Here’s what Karynda Lewis of Apex Reviews just wrote about Reversible Skirt:

Official Apex Reviews Rating: Five Stars

When her mother commits suicide, little Laura’s father remarries – rather hastily – and promptly informs his three daughters that his new wife is their mother. As the young girls struggle to adjust to their new family life, their father’s untimely death soon thrusts their collective world into even greater chaos – culminating in their stepmother’s brutal, escalating abuse. With no one but each other left in the world, it remains to be seen if the sisters’ tortured bond can endure through the worst of adversity…

Reversible Skirt is a thoroughly heartrending read. In her moving new memoir, author Laura McHale Holland takes the reader through the deepest recesses of grief, sorrow, and abuse – all from the fragile perspective of an innocent, unsuspecting child. What ultimately proves most impressive about Holland’s spiritual sojourn is that – despite the unchecked chaos of her upbringing – she perseveres through it all with an unbreakable, sweet spirit. Such unflappable strength is highly commendable – not to mention rare – and your appreciation of Holland’s genuine loving warmth is sure to grow by leaps and bounds with the turning of each fresh page. A highly recommended tale of learning to overcome the worst that life has to offer.

John Grogan’s The Longest Trip Home

Posted on April 2, 2011 by admin

This is a review of John Grogan memoir, The Longest Trip Home, that I just posted on goodreads.com:

I listened to an audio version of the book read by the author, which is a very different experience than reading, of course. So I have no idea whether I’d be gripped by the prose on the pages of this book. But, as a listener, I was pulled in entirely. I felt almost like I became part of the Grogan clan as John shared episode after episode of his life growing up in a Catholic family so devout, their family vacations consisted primarily of driving to religious shrines!

So his relationship to the Catholic church: going to Catholic school, being an alter boy (who, with his friends, sneaks swigs of the wine, and once, while carrying a candle down the aisle, trips and burns himself while eyeing a girl he has a crush on), trying to live up to his parents’ expectations, but being a mischievous, curious, normal boy, finding it impossible—this background is important to the book, as he grows up, goes to college, begins his journalism career, falls in love and follow his own beliefs, which differ from his parents. Amazingly, once on his own, he keeps the fact that he is no longer a practicing Catholic secret from his parents until he’s in his 30s. (I mean, seriously? What kind of wimp does that?) And the book shows how his relationship with his parents continues to evolve as he becomes a husband and father, and as his parents go through the inevitable aging process.

But it’s not really what happens that matters in this book, although many of the events are highly entertaining. It’s John Grogan’s depiction of all the people who have touched his life, from his family and his boyhood friends, to his first love and to his wife. All of them are drawn with an affection so well-balanced that it’s spellbinding. I sort of fell in love with John Grogan as I listened along. He showed his flaws; he didn’t try to make himself seem better than he is. He could have been the boy next door you never noticed but turned out to be the one who noticed everything that really mattered.

Reversible Skirt online orders

Posted on March 4, 2011 by admin

There’s been a snafu in the Reversible Skirt pipeline. It’s temporary. For the time being, BarnesandNoble.com isn’t accepting orders, but Amazon.com is. Amazon will ship books as soon as they are available, which will be any day. Just click here.

You can also still order directly from me. Info on that is in a sidebar directly to the right.

Sorry for the confusion. Truly.

Reversible Skirt now on sale at Amazon

Posted on February 22, 2011 by admin

I just found out that Amazon is now accepting pre-orders for Reversible Skirt.

Here’s the link:

Reversible Skirt on Amazon

It’s also still available for pre-order at Barnes & Noble. com.

And here’s the autographed copy option:

You can still pre-order a signed copy of Reversible Skirt from me, too. Send a check for $17 ($14 + $3 shipping) made out to Laura McHale Holland, Wordforest, P.O. Box 7501, Cotati, CA 94928. California residents need to ad $1.33 sales tax.